Oh Shoot. Did I Spend Time with My Kids Today?

I have been pulling long hours during the week because of the high visibility projects that I’ve been working on. So after a long day of being a full-time working mother and coming home for dinner, cleaning, watching TV to numb my mind, getting the kids ready for bed, and finally closing my eyes and going to bed so I can do it all again the next day…this terrorizing thought pops into my head:

OH SHIT. DID I SPEND TIME WITH MY KIDS TODAY?

I mean, I kissed them when I got home and fed them dinner. But what about when I was cooking dinner and put on a TV show to keep them out of the kitchen? Or after dinner when I closed the door to the office so I can pay bills without them interrupting me?

Then I panic about what a bad mother I am. How is it possible that I’m so busy that I don’t have time to spend with my kids?

Then I rationalize – OK, well I got home at 6 and they go to bed at 9. 3 hours isn’t much time to do anything.

Then, I scrutinize every minute and think through the evening’s events…

We played outside before dinner and rode around the cul-de-sac
We cuddled on the couch and watched Glee or New Girl together and sang, “Hakuna Matata” during the commercials
I tried practicing writing letters with Arielle
I read them a nice story before they went to bed

Alright, those count. I did spend time with my kids today. I’m a decent mom. Breathe, tomorrow I will spend more time with them.

Being a full-time working mother does not lend itself to an abundance of hours in the day where spending quality time with the kids is something that just happens. I have to make a conscious effort to be present with the kids – in the moment to hear them laugh, watch them play, and study their precious little faces and mannerisms. So I come down hard on myself with guilt and doubt and ask myself each night, “Did I spend time with my kids today?” I’m glad I do because if I don’t, it’ll all just pass me by.

Although, I don’t think the guilt, panic, and doubt need to be part of the equation. If I can set boundaries and be more disciplined on how I spend my time at home, I think I can ease up on myself a bit. Here’s what I can do to make sure I spend time with my kids each day (or be more consistent at stuff I’m already doing):

Eat dinner together as a family. My mother instilled this value in our family when I was growing up. Nothing speaks more to quality time than gathering around the dinner table and sharing meal together.
Stop dilly-dallying on my iPhone/iPad/computer to check Facebook, email, etc. I would say this is the biggest waster of my time. Anytime I get an idle moment, I take a minute or two to check Facebook to see what’s new since, oh…5 minutes ago! Lame. Those few moments add up to hours of wasted time each week.
Do 1 activity together. All A&Z want to do is play, learn, and laugh. Those are small, simple requests that shouldn’t be hard to fulfill, so we try to take a walk, play outside, or play music. The nice thing about A&Z’s at their age (4 and 2) is that their faces clearly show that they appreciate it when you’re paying attention to them.
Relish in the nighttime routine. A&Z look forward to our nighttime routine of brushing teeth, putting on the jammies, reading a story, and being tucked in. They soak in all the goodnight kisses and “I love you’s” and I should, too.
Working or blogging should be done only after their bedtime. This one is hard for me. The ability to “work from home” is a double-edged sword because the lines get blurred between when I’m supposed to work and when I’m supposed to relax. I just have to remember that I’m in control of this and I need to set boundaries for myself for the sake of my sanity.